06/03/2026
I've never read anything truer. 😂🤣😂
70 MPH in Missouri isn’t really a speed limit — it’s more like a statewide experiment to see how aggressively people can merge during thunderstorms 😭🚗🌩️
You start driving through Missouri thinking:
“Alright… rolling hills, Midwest charm, maybe a calm little road trip.”
Wrong.
Too slow? There’s already a silver pickup truck from rural Missouri materializing behind you out of nowhere doing approximately the speed of sound 💀
Too fast? Doesn’t matter — somebody in a Dodge Charger with Cardinals stickers still passes you at 93 while holding a gas-station energy drink and spiritually ignoring traffic laws.
You try cruising at a respectable 76.
Immediately passed by:
• a St. Louis commuter weaving through lanes like they’re escaping federal agents
• a muddy farm truck carrying enough equipment to rebuild the economy
• a college kid from Columbia driving like every highway entrance is a drag strip
And somehow all three disappear into the rain before your GPS can even reroute.
Then comes Missouri weather.
Not normal weather.
Missouri weather behaves like it’s spinning a wheel every 20 minutes 🌪️😭
One minute:
sunshine, blue skies, peaceful vibes ☀️
Next minute:
• rain starts falling sideways
• thunder shakes the entire interstate
• the sky turns green enough to make everybody quietly nervous
Meanwhile somebody in a Bass Pro Shops hat is still confidently doing 84 through a lightning storm like this is completely standard behavior.
Then traffic stops.
No crash.
No construction.
No explanation.
Just one person slowing down because they saw the Gateway Arch and decided the interstate was now a sightseeing tour 🏙️💀
Classic Missouri.
You finally start moving again and think:
“Okay… we’re good now.”
Absolutely not.
Now you’re trapped behind:
• an RV heading toward Branson
• a convoy of semis creating rolling-wall traffic
• and at least one out-of-state driver experiencing Kansas City merging for the first time
Meanwhile somebody nearby is casually eating toasted ravioli while driving with one hand like it’s spiritually required 🍝😭
And just when you think the road can’t get more chaotic…
A deer appears beside the highway.
Not scared.
Not moving.
Just standing there in the rain staring at traffic like it personally owns the Ozarks 🦌💀
Your GPS says:
“Arrival in 48 minutes.”
Missouri says:
“That depends… are you crossing St. Louis at rush hour, trapped behind trucks in the hills, or entering Branson during tourist season?” 😭
And somehow, through ALL of this…
There’s still one person driving exactly 70 in the left lane like they were personally appointed by the state to enforce emotional growth and patience.
Welcome to Missouri highways.
Where every road trip includes random tornado anxiety, aggressive merging, confusing weather, gas-station cuisine, and at least one person treating I-70 like the Daytona 500.
