23/05/2025
I married the kindest woman I've ever met. It was an arranged marriage. My mother chose her for me after they rejÂŁcted the last girl I brought home-because she was from the West, and I'm from the East, Abakaliki in Ebonyi State.
She was a virgin till our wedding night -something that shocked my friends but earned her my respect and deepest love.
A year later, she got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Beautiful, round-cheeked, and smiling like the sun. Shortly after we came back, my mother visited and dropped the bombshell:
"Have you people arranged for her c!rcumc!s!on yet?"
I laughed-thought it was a joke. it wasn't,
She looked at me with that stern, old-people stare. "We have to cut her before she starts crawling. You don't want her to grow up w!ld."
According to my family, if you don't c!rcumc!se a girl, she'll grow up loose.
"Just look at your wife," my mother said.
"She was untouched, wasn't she? Now you want your daughter to grow up wayward?"
Immediately, I rebuked my mother. I told her that over my dÂŁ body would I allow her to cut my baby girl.
Then it all made sense. My wife won't even undress in front of me. She turns off the light during segz, hides under the duvet, and refuses to let me see her.
Initially, I thought it was shyness. It wasn't. It was tr@uma.
She later confessed she has never had the urge for segz. She thought it would change when she got married-so she could experience what other women used to tell her about how sweet it is.
In my village, female gÂŁnital mut!lation (FGM) is a common practice. Young girls and women are brainwashed into accepting it as our culture. Some go through it in infancy; others, in adulthood. My mother was cut just before her wedding. My wife was cut when she was already five years old.
Then my sisters called after my mother left. I thought they'd be on my side. They were c!rcumc!sed as teenagers. It wasn't debated—it was done. "A girl who isn't cut is a girl who'll disgrace her family," my late father said.
I assumed they'd h@tÂŁ it as much as I do, but instead, one after the other, they said:
"What's so special about your child?"
"We were c!rcumc!sed. Your wife too & she didn't spoil. Is your daughter better than all of us?"
My wife heard them & for days, she said nothing. Until one night, holding our baby, she whispered: "Maybe we should just do it now, so she won't remember it. I don't want to cause division in your family."
That crushed me.
This woman—who already lives with the invisible scars of shame-was now volunteering her baby's body for peace? My mother has refused to do omugwo unless we obey tradition. My sisters say I'm bew!tched. Somehow, they blame my wife-say she has "tied me." That I'm not man enough to put her in her place.
My wife's mum is gone, but would she have been different? She also c!rcumc!sed her only daughter.
And now, every uncle, aunty, and relative I've asked says the same thing: "Just do it. It's our way."
But our way broke my wife. It took something from her. I see it every day—in the way she avoids mirrors, in her silence. I see it in her tears. I even feel it in our bedroom.
And now they want me to do the same to my daughter? I'm confused, angry & alone.
Now I ask you-should I give in. Should I allow this cycle to continue because "that's how it's done"?
Or should I stand alone... dÂŁfy tradition... and risk being cast out by my own family and kin?
What would you do in this situation ?
Drop your answers in the comment section!!!
