Elly Wanjala

Elly Wanjala Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from Elly Wanjala, Grocers, Nairobi.

11/01/2026

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😁😁

During a rôbbery , the thiêf shouted to everyone in the bank:

“Don’t move! The môney belongs to the State — your lives belong to you.”

Everyone in the bank lay down quietly.
This is called “Changing the way of thinking” — shifting the traditional mindset.

When a woman lay provocatively on a table, the thief shouted:
“Please be civilized! This is a robbery, not a råpe!”

This is called “Being Professional.” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the robbers returned home, the younger thiêf (who had an MBA) said to the older thiêf (who had only finished sixth grade):
“Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”

The older thiêf replied:
“You’re so stupid! There’s too much money — it’ll take forever to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we stole.”

This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more valuable than academic qualifications!

After the rôbber's left, the bank manager told the supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said:
“Wait! Let’s take $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million we’ve already embezzled.”

This is called “Going with the flow.” Turning a disadvantageous situation into an advantage!

The supervisor then said:
“It would be great if there was a rôbbery every month.”

This is called “Killîng boredöm.” Personal happiness is more important than work.

The next day, the news reported that $100 million had been stolen from the bank.
The rôbber's counted and counted but only found $20 million.
Furious, they complained:
“We risked our lives and only got $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million in an instant! Looks like it’s better to be educated than to be a thièf.”

This is called “Knowledge is as valuable as gold.”

Meanwhile, the bank manager smiled, relieved that his stock market losses were now covered by the robbery.

This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Dare to take risks!

So… who are the real thievés?

Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly 😳
04/01/2026

Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly 😳

24/12/2025

Some guys hold their girlfriend's hand at the mall because if they leave her hand she will start shopping..it looks ROMANTIC but it's ECONOMIC.😹😂.

THE 31 SACRED BRO CODES:1. Don't r**e.2. A man doesn't cook delicious food, it's gayish.3. Two naked men are not suppose...
29/06/2025

THE 31 SACRED BRO CODES:

1. Don't r**e.

2. A man doesn't cook delicious food, it's gayish.

3. Two naked men are not supposed to be in the same room.

4. A bro doesn't bath with hot water, he respect his 2 eggs.

5. A bro should know when to leave.

6. A bro should not ask a fellow bro his name, he should call him "Bro, Sir, Chairman, Mr, etc

7. As a bro when you remove your shoes, it must throw out a heavy, strong and intoxicating ordour into the atmosphere, your presence must be felt from a far distance like the stench of a he goat.

8. A bro must know the signal to leave the room when a bro's girl is around.

9. Never make funny of your bro just to impress women.

10. A bro must not pay for s*x.

11. Your bro's Ex is your Ex.

12. Make money before you make love.

13. A bro must not watch a Korean drama.

14. No matter how beautiful your bro's sister is, she is your sister too.

15. A bro must not watch zee world, Nigerian movies and some petty content.

16. When money finally comes, don't change your woman, upgrade her.

17. Don't do husband duties while you are just a boyfriend.

18. A bro never gives up, the rest and continue.

19. If she say you are her planet, don't forget about other planets.

20. Always respect your father, he was your first bro. Respect your mother, she is your 001.

21. Never ever smash your bro's chick.

22. Never feed a horse that you don't ride.

23. A bro shall not gaze at a naked bro.

24. A bro never cries publicly or in front of any woman.

- A bro never use Snapchat filter, a bro must look ugly and gallant.

26. A bro never wears pink underwear.

27. If a bro asks another bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave.

28. A bro is never offended if another bro fails to return a phone call or text.

29. It is never acceptable for a bro to sleep with another bro’s project or ex.

30. A bro never Gives another bro the silent treatment.

31. A bro never hold hands with bro while walking.

13/08/2024

1: A man was so jēaløus of his nēwly
b0rn baby that he put pøisøn on the wife's
n!pples
while she was aslēep. The next day their
driver
d!ed of po!søning. 🤣🤣🤣

2: A man is dy!ng of cānce
ēr, but keeps
tēlling
people he is dy!ng of A!DS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, "so that when I am dēäd,
no 0ne will slēēp with your mūm."🤣🤣🤣

3: A lady løst thrēē pānties in her house
and blāmēd her māid in fr0nt of the husband. Ma@d
said "sir. you are my w!tness you know I
Nēvēr wear pant!es!"🤣🤣

4: Couplē is having a qu!ckie and their 6
year old cātchēs them. Son says: "What are you
do!ng?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putt!ng
petr0l in
your M0m." Son: " Which means Mom’s
eng!ne is taking t00 much petr0l căuse Mr. James
just put s0me in yesterday!" M0ther fa!nted!!!!🤣🤣🤣

5: A man went to the půb with his wife.
When he left for the c0unter to buy dr!nks, a prøstitute approached his wife & whispērēd, "You
must D£MAND cash BEFØRE s€×, I know h!m he doesn't päy. 🤣🤣🤣

6: An 8 year 0ld boy is äccūsed of rāp£.
In c0urt his lädy lāwyer hølds his d!ck out as
£vidence saying, "Your H0nour see this, can he rāp€ with this t!ny t0t? "The boy wh!spers,
"Don't shäke it, we'll l00se the cäse!"🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

28/02/2024

FT.
LUTON ²-6 MAN-CITY.

Haaland With 5goals,KDB 4 assists 🙄, Yaani pep anatumia Bomu kuuwa mbu,😂😂

14/02/2024

Enzo Fernandez has come out AGAIN to publicly deny rumors that he wants to leave Chelsea and says he want to take the blues to the Champions League 🔵

“I’m happy here at Chelsea, we want to play the next Champions League”.

“I don’t know where the leaving rumours came from — they had spoken on social networks…”.

“I came out to totally deny that story, it’s fake”

Via ESPN

13/02/2024

IF YOU CAN SACRIFICE 5 years of your life in your 20s to stop.

1. Living for s*x(formication).

2. Spending money on women(become very stingy to women).

3. Stop spending money on drugs, alcohol and smoking.

4. Stop doing Relationship (shun relationship).

And then take that five years to.

1. Chase purpose.

2. Read books.

3. Spend time making healthy relationships.

4. Learn skills, digitally.

5. Practice mindfulness.

6. Exercise.

7. Focus on learning how money works.

8. Investing all the money you are not spending on women and living promiscuously on a investment scheme.

9. Starting up a business.

10. Traveling alone and learning new things.

TRUST ME ON THIS, IN YOU MID 30s you will have the most outstanding, happy and healthy life above your equals.

Success is all about sacrifice so be wise.

Stay Putinized.

12/02/2024

LESSONS FROM AFCON 2023

✍️ Ivory Coast lost two out of three group matches but still got to the final. They had a second chance and took it seriously. Don't play with the second chance life gives you. Don't give up on yourself!

✍️ Ivory Coast were beaten 4-0 by Equatorial Guinea, yet they bounced back to the final while Equatorial Guinea got eliminated. Don't write anyone off. You won today doesn't mean you are the best. Don't look down on the person you defeated yesterday!

✍️ Ivory Coast mobilized support for Morocco to beat Zambia so that they can qualify. Some of those clapping for you now and supporting you may not be your real friends, they may just be using your success for their gain. Morocco went home after helping Ivory Coast to qualify to the final. Don't let anyone use you for any gain that doesn't benefit you.
✍️ South African goalkeeper stopped 4 penalties against Cape Verde and we're so confident. They wanted the match against Nigeria to end in penalties so that they will win. But against Nigeria, he couldn't stop any penalty, instead the Nigerian keeper stopped 2 and won MOTM. Don't be too confident of yourself.

✍️ Nigeria scored a second goal that was disallowed because of an earlier foul at the build up. Goal was cancelled and SOUTH AFRICA were awarded a penalty. Such is life, when you think you have lost, God may give you a redemption to turn ashes into beauty.
✍️ Senegal didn't lose any match at group stage. But when they played against Ivory Coast that lost 2 matches, they were eliminated.

✍️ All the defenders were on Osimhen, they did all they could to stop him, even four of his goals were disallowed.....but they didn't take note of Ademola Lookman. Your real enemy may not be who you are thinking.....
✍️ Kelechi Iheanacho didn't play the previous 5 matches, he came in late into the 6th game and became the hero. All you need to be a hero could just be one kick and not 100 kicks, but if you have just one opportunity to kick the ball, do it we

29/01/2024

1️⃣7️⃣ Premier League Records That Could Never Be Broken

1. Jamie Vardy is the first player to score in eleven consecutive matches breaking Ruud Van Nistelrooy’s record of 10 in 2015.

2. Petr Cech is the premier league goalkeeper with the most cleansheet in a single premier league season. He did it in 2004/2005 season(24)

3. Manchester City is the first premier league club to reach 100 points in the 2017/2018 season.

4. Sadio Mane is the premier league player with the fastest hattrick, he scored three goals in 2 minutes, 56 seconds against Aston Villa in 2015.

5. Frank Lampard is the highest scoring midfielder in the premier league with 177 goals.

6. John Terry is the highest scoring defender in the premier league with 41 goals.

7. Edwin Van Der Sar is the premier league goalkeeper with the most consecutive cleansheet (14), he also went the longest minute without conceeding a goal (1.311 minutes).

8. Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea conceded only 15 goals in 2004/2005 season a premier league record.

9. Alan Shearer is the player with the most goals in the premier league with 260 goals.

10. Ryan Giggs is the most decorated player in the premier league, he won thirteen premier league titles.

11. Arsenal is the first and only premier league team to have gone a season unbeaten (2003/2004 season).

12. Mane Hatrick in 2minutes and 56secs is very difficult and can't be break...

13. Chelsea's 4 years unbeaten home run of 86 home games

14. Arsenal failing to win the EPL since 2003.

15. Arsenal Going to a whole season undefeated is the most arduous record to be broken in a modern football game, so seeing an invincible again a club must have been very lucky and spirited. Undoubtedly, being unbeaten in 38 matches in the premier league arguably will be the hardest record to broke.

16. Chelsea is the only premier league club that play first half without loosing to the opponent side 21/22 season

17. Four records linked to Chelsea alone
Which of this record it difficult

21/11/2023

Zlatan Ibrahimovič once said

1. "Lions don't compare themselves with humans"

2. "I don't follow football Football is following me

3." I came as a king and left as a legend"

4. "If i had to choose between Lingard OR Jones, I will happily choose OR"

5. "My career didn't need coaches to be successful instead coaches need me to make their careers to succeed and their dreams come true"

6. Journalist : How do you feel after scoring that goal?

Zlatan : Ask the goal how it felt to be scored by me

7. "I don't control the ball but the ball control itself for me"

8. "When I look myself in the mirror there's no reflection of myself because there can't be two Zlatan"

9. Reporter : Zlatan you consider yourself as a Lion while Messi and Ronaldo are humans but they have many Ballon'dors but you don't have it why?

Zlatan : I don't care about individual trophies , if I wanted them I would've played golf

10. "When he was leaving his home he told his father that " you're now the man of the house"

11. "If you invite me to your house , you're my guest "

12. "I use my two legs to play football but i use my whole body to score a goal"

13. "When Zlatan is late for training , players get punished for being early"

Legend😂😂

Add more😅👍

Address

Nairobi

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Elly Wanjala posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Share

Category