Jessica Crane-Comedian

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Jessica Crane-Comedian Putting the ass in class since 1980, and starting to fulfill a life-long dream of stand up comedy, one laugh at a time.

04/07/2020

I just figured out that live backwards is evil, and that lived backwards is devil. Also s*x backwards is awesome.

03/19/2020

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19.
All dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out…IT was WHO

Oh Walmart...
12/11/2019

Oh Walmart...

11/12/2018

What do we want?
A cure for tourettes!
When do we want it?
sh&tballs!!!!

03/27/2018

To do list- (1). Go to pet store.
(2). Buy bird seeds.
(3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow.
(4). Wait for the reaction.

12/08/2017

Please post a picture of your or someone else’s butt for a**l retentive awareness month. The goal is to see all bum profiles (assbook) by Jan 1st. We’re not sure how, but this will surely cure colon cancer and make the world a better place. Re-post this if you’re not an awful, terrible person who hates puppies.

For all those who've waited patiently for my return to the stage....it's happening! I'll be MCing the Grand Opening of R...
01/27/2017

For all those who've waited patiently for my return to the stage....it's happening! I'll be MCing the Grand Opening of Reflex Tsawwassen this Saturday from Noon to 3pm. The people, food, tunes and chuckles are going to be amazing!! See you there :)

01/26/2016

Limo driver: "What's ETA to leave the party?"
Me: "After cutting the cake."
Limo driver: "So....rough ETA?"
Me: "10:38pm, bite the pillow and no safety word....."
Limo driver: "I'll come early......."

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White Rock, BC

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